They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's official drugs can't kill me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
