She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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