For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
