That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
