I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
