I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
