like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
