you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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