too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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