She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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