Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
