once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize