I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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