You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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