i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
