i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
