you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize