Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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