It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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