That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
