by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
