so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
