allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
