The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
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I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I AM VODKA MAN
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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