Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
