Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
