everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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