u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
