ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
as a side note pls kill me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
