i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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