I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
