She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this boner is exhausting
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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