at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
