i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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