Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
