Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you would pick up someone in the library
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
