I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
