thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
