So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
