help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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