and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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