HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
