so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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