Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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