i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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