Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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