i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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