my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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