I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
