I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
