Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
