shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
