She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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