He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
