So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
