i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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