I hate all girls vehemently.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
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