Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
