OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
