I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
