Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dear god my vagina.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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