So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I puked a lego.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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