Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
