So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
