He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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