Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
