I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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