no, he came in my armpit
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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