physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is my gift to your gina
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
