i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
