remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
